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The Fairy Tale..
06.06.06 (11:14 pm)   [edit]
Once upon a time in a far far land of iit there was a girl named Butki. No.. no step mothers.. no poisoned apples.. no prickly needles.. no bad wolves.. however, there were big bad professors who tortured her with tons of homework. But as it so happens in most fairy tales, there was her prince charming, Madanyu to save her from all her troubles. And soon before she knew it, they were in love and it seemed like life was perfect. Now to some it may seem like this was a happy ending but this was really just the beginning of all troubles.** It really hurts when someone who u've given yourself to behaves as if u meant nothing at all. All the times that you compromised on you wants, your wishes dont mean anything anymore. How selfish can a person get? Understood that you get busy with job and parents but thats a ridiculous reason. I lived with my parents this whole while and how many of those times has he tried to be understanding. Well, he didnt have to cuz I made sure to not let a situation like that arise. But honestly, if you dont feel like talking to someone you love in like 5 days then is that even really love. Dont people usually die to hear the voice of someone they love sooo much even if it is just for a second. And if in 5 days you dont feel that twitch bit of pain then what does that really mean? And if a girl then asks for an explanation is that being non understanding? How can someone just put their blame on someone else sooo easily.** And I really hate it when guys start with all bout how they should remain friends even after breaking up. Its like cmon dude, friends dont put their friends through such pain. And how true of a friend are you gonna be if you are putting me through such pain right now. And now with the way I've had my experiences its okay for me to say that i have lost my faith in friendship. And with this experience maybe the same goes for relationships.** I thought the search was over. It was gonna be like one of those fairy tale endings where the prince and the princess live happily ever after. Teeny bit of a mistake I made of forgetting this is real life. So now next month I'll be off to BrahmSamaj Convention and maybe this time around it will be my parents doing the searching so hopefully I wont really be giving away one year of my precious life to something or someone who in the end would throw it all away like crap.
 
Three years or three months
06.06.06 (12:55 am)   [edit]
It hurts the most when its your best friend betraying you. Three years of friendship go down the drain for some relationship of three months. I am standing by your side when no one else is. I will be your friend when everyone else thinks you are a jerk. I will defend you when everyone points fingers at you. I've been with you through it all and I've never questioned any of it. But after all that my trust gets broken. Your lie gets caught and I look like this dumb girl with eyes around me that are probably laughing "haha... we told you he wasnt worth your friendship." Its not my biz what goes on in anyone's personal life but when it starts affecting mine and my relationship with that person then yeah i have a right to speak up. And after all this, i dont even recieve a phone call. Someone once told me "Friends should be tested before they are turned into life-lasting friendships." I guess this is that one test that my friend was unable to pull through from. And from someone who has been betrayed before by a close friend for a stupid girl you definitely dont expect the same. You would think he would know better than to let his friends experience what he went through. But I was wrong. I have no one else to blame but myself because I was wrong in my judgement. I probably did not choose my friends wisely as my experiences tell me. And to think I always considered friendship to be of most importance to the point that I risked so much else for just that. And now here I am pondering over the fact if I am even goin to be thought of on 10th of july, miles away from here where the eiffel tower lies. We shall wait and see until after summer and if this bond of friendship is too weak to be revived then thats what life is all about... its a cue saying: Move On!!
 
Friends are Forever, Boys are Whatever...
06.05.06 (11:45 pm)   [edit]
So I dint believe in blogs and stuff cuz i dont feel the whole world needs to know about my personal life. Spend more time on the computer than writing in the journal though so finally after two long years.. The ups and downs of life are such that you never know.. i just read a quote the other day "best things come around when least expected..." I guess they forgot "worst things come aroudn when least expected as well." The past few months have taught me so much about life... "Friends are forever, Boys are whatever." Cross Out number one. Friends are not forever.. You are friends with someone for soooo long and then one day because of what the boyfriend wants or says they forget about the friendship. And its not like just cuz you have a boyfriend you are something special or more cool than the rest. I dont understand how can a person forget about the friendship that stood by at all times for a boy who u hardly started knowing since 6-7 months. I doubt if a friend like that should be trusted again. Especially when after all that happens they start blaming you like it was none of their faults in the first place. For all you know, the next time a situation like this arises you get betrayed again. Its the best to weaken this bond of friendship then and not let anything hurtful like that happen in the future. A person who stands by the boy instead of the friend is not really worth it at all. And after all of that, its almost like starting it over. In a way, we dont even talk much anymore. I wonder if we'll ever be that close again. Probably not cuz i wont let that happen. Oh well, its not like this was the worst of whats happened. But atleast it was definitely the beginning of all the lessons on friendship that had to be learnt.
 
Check out my muscles.. how strong am i..
07.06.04 (7:37 pm)   [edit]
So what happened over lunch.. well well, nothing really.. met Puj and her friends, those girls who came over from out of town who were staying at her place. They had Subways for Lunch and goodness, the smell was so good. Ofcourse, for someone who hasn't eaten a pinch of salt in three days, any food would smell good. Why had we not eaten? Vrat, biju su? Basically, we do vrat for self-control.. but u know how grandmothers can be. They changed the whole concept into how we do it for good husbands and Avni was all like, think in a positive way. How since she dint do it she will end up with an asshole husband. And then she had this bet with me and Yag that if we told her husband that on the day of her wedding she would give us 5 bucks. It was hilarious.

So ofcourse we.. correction, SHE had lunch and then we hurried back to the auditorium so that we wouldnt miss out on good seats. Also, we wanted to watch the chapter presentations. The whole nation was divided into 18 zones and each zone had to represent the chapter given to them. They had to do some sort of a skit. Some of them were hilarious. Since today was Chs 1-6. obviously, those presentations took place today. After that we did the [i]Parayan[/i] of the [i]shlokas[/i] from Ch 4-6 (Ch 1-3 were done in the morning), and then back to Didi's pravachan.

So the question that we stopped at was:
[b]Arjun[/b]: God, I will become humble to come closer to you, but what if my good deeds get credited to someone else?
[b]Krishna[/b]: Do you think this is like one of your manmade banks.. citibank or BankOne.. where there would be mistakes in keeping of all the accounts. This is God's computer. Have faith in me. Do as I say and I will keep a track of your good deeds.
[b]Arjun[/b]: So everything is up to you?
[b]Krishna[/b]: Yes, it is all in my hands. But you have to make and effort to achieve what you want. Make efforts to get it. Dont ask anything for free. There are no bargains here.

** Geeta's first [i]sandesh[/i]: Karya vagar kayi martu nathi**

God then goes on to explain of the 4 types of [i]Karma[/i] "actions":
1. Bhogarth Karma: actions we do for our own enjoyment, for our own selfish reasons.
2. Punyarth Karma: these are the actions we perform for virtuous reason, non selfish. But the minute we start regretting about our good deed it changes category from 2 to 1.
3. Vikasarth Karma: actions done for our own self development
4. Anandarth Karma: when people work, even if they dont need to then it goes under here.

[b]Krishna[/b]: Arjun, along with these though, keep in mind, that i am with you, within you at all times.
[b]Arjun[/b]: Bhagwaan, there are beautiful oceans with huge waves, live there. There is the blooming of flowers in the garden, you probably live there. There is the sunrise by the hillside, the moonlight falling on the water seeming as though the moon has melted in it, that is where you live. How could u be living in a soul as mere as mine
[b]Krishna[/b]: Because you are dear to me.

**Do you really think God came to destroy the evil. Was it really that hard for him to destroy evil. He could blink an eye and there Ravan got a heart attack and boom, he is dead. No, Ram came from Lakshman, for Hanuman. God wants to be in company of those good people. He dint come to destroy the evil, but to live with those involved in his work. Yes, it says in the Geeta "whenever truth is in danger, i will come to destroy evil." He doesnt come to destroy them, but to help those who are involved in destroying it.**

[b]Krishna[/b]: So Arjun, get up and fight. It is not your family, but the evil that you will be fighting. And that is as good as doing my work. So stand up and fight.
[b]Arjun[/b]: Krishna, do you preach to everyone or am I your guinea pig. The first one to whom this is being told?
[b]Krishna[/b]: I just told you that I am telling u this because you are dear to me. You are part of me. If you realize that you are part of me, then I will be solely responsible for everything. But for that you have to learn to defeat temptations. You have to give up your ego.

**There was once a King who had all the brahmins come over for lunch. But one of them who was invited did not come. The King sent many messengers and in the end he himself went to call him over and even offered to give him $5000. The Brahmin said, "If i wanted to come I would have come first itself." The King's bro got angry and said,"What the... what do you think. Have u ever seen someone paying so much to come have lunch?" and the Brahmin replied, "Yes, he is sitting in front of me, but have you ever seen someone refusing this much money?" That is what God is trying to explain.. to resist such temptations. That is true strength.. true [i]Parakram[/i]. Strength doesnt merely come in hitting your younger bro or sis, or picking up a 500 lb weight. There are so many who can do that. But one who has the courage to resist what they desire if they know it is not correct, that is true strength.**

Ch 6 ends there. But talking about resisting temptations, Avni kept looking at me. Later she told me, how I was [i]Parakrami[/i]. I had the courage to resist food even though i was dying with hunger and my mouth kept watering like crazy after seeing that subway. Aah.. so i guess i should end this entry with this nice thought of me being so [i]parakrami[/i].

=Later that night, went upto dt to go see fireworks, but they ended before we got there. So I tried goin to bed early sat nite so that atleat on sunday i could wake up early and go "ushering."
 
Woo hoo.. in place of Usher..
07.06.04 (5:23 pm)   [edit]
So obviously u dint think I was gonna go rite into the depth of everything in Geeta. It is my experience so you are goin to have to live it with me exactly how it happened to me :P. So Friday nite I come over from Puja's party, which btw, was too good. I am planning on hanging out with them (her, Bhumi and Neeti) at UIC all the time starting next sem. So yeah I was tired and a bit angry that my dad wouldnt let me go alone to michigan. All of them at IIT had plans for the dunes so it would have been just me which is why, it was a no no... So finally before I went to sleep my sis asked me if i wanted to come usher with her at Geeta Trey the next day. I was all like. "what? meet Usher? all up for it.." charlene, i love "Let it Burn" too. But jokes aside, I reluctantly nodded a yes and was off to bed.

The next morning, Yag tried waking me up at 7, but in vain. I finally woke up around 8:15ish, tore apart the entire wardrobe looking for a pink salwar-suit. Yes, the "ushers" had to wear pink on saturday. Finally, got dressed and since it was only at Niles West, it dint take me long to get there. When I got to the auditorium, Didi's [i]pravachan[/i] was goin on. Didn't miss much though. So that was good.

It was the first session, chps 1-3. It has 4 main characters: Dhritrashtra, Sanjay, Arjun and Lord Krishna. So now my question to those who think Geeta is meant for older ppl who have given up on life and are off to exile or something. Which of these characters fall in that category: Dhritrashtra? No, he was a king. Sanjay? Ofcourse not, lived in a palace as a minister all his life. Arjun? hell no, he dressed as brahmin to get married. Krishna? Ok, so someone with 16,108 wives.. damn, some guts he must have had to be able to handle that many of them :P.

It starts out with Dhritrashtra asking Sanjay about what's goin on at the battlefield when Sanjay replies how he sees Arjun in despair. He has lost his self-confidence. He does not know what to do. He looks at his enemies, but they are all his family. How can he kill them? His bow slips off his shoulders and he begins to tremble at the thought of killing them all. He asks Krishna to pull his chariot in the middle of the battlefield. He then looks at both the sides and sees that they are all part of him. They are the same blood. He does not know what he should do.
[b]Arjun[/b]: Krishna, its easy to kill outsiders, but them? They are my own family members. I cannot kill them.
[b]Krishna[/b]: You are telling me this? Stupid fellow, I have killed my uncle, aunt, and so many others. Don't preach about this in front of me. Stop thinking about this now.

**God is probably thinking, "Please.. I have spent so many years training him, preparing him to fight on this day for the establishment of [i]Dharma[/i] "truth" and now he wants to back out. No way. Can't let that happen. Its like us spending so much time behind our friend teaching him how to do physics and then on the last day he tells us how he is planning to withdraw from it now. Imagine how frustrated you would feel. Isn't that exactly how God probably felt rite then at that moment? So how did God handle the situation then? Maybe we should do the same the next time something of that sort happens.**

[b]Krishna[/b]: You dont have time to think about this now. You should have thought about this first before coming here. Think with [i]Sthitapragn[/i] "a steady mind" Do you have any fear of death? Dont fear death. If you fall, I am here to catch you.

**What is death? What happens when we die? Let's say there is a child playing in the playground and his mother calls him to come and change his clothes, have food and then go back. The child asks his mom for 5 more mins before he comes. Now put God in the mom's place and yourself in the child's. We are his children. He is asking us to come to him. God is saying, "come.. change your clothes "body," talk to me for a little bit, and then go back to the playground "world." And what do we say then? Just like the little child, "Few more years." and God gives us another 5 years, reviving us from that deadly heart attack. But if the child keeps asking for another 5 mins everytime, ofcourse finally mom will pull him inside by her side. If our fear of death is gone, wont we become more confident?**

[b]Krishna[/b]: Arjun, dont fear death. You are coming to God "mother." If your fear of death perishes, then you will become more confident.
[b]Arjun[/b]: Ok. I want to come to you. But how? Show me of ways that i can come closer to you. How do I build a relationship with you?
[b]Krishna[/b]: For that, you should have an intrinsic desire for knowledge. It has to be egoless and humble.

**Those saints like Tukaram, philosophers like Socrates.. were they born great? No. But they managed to develop such relationship with God. Once Tukaram went to give a speech. In return, he was given a bunch of sugarcane. On his way back home, there were some kids playing and asked Tukaram for the canes. He kept giving one to each kid until there was only one left with him. His wife who was watching all this got angry and the minute he came home, took the sugarcane and threw it on the floor, hence breaking it in two. To which he replied, "how nice. now there is one for you and one for me.
Similarly, Socrates was once giving lecture to his students. His wife was upstairs cooking and everytime she called him, he asked for a few more mins. The food kept being warmed up by her and got cold cuz he dint come. After it went on for a little bit, she started throwing around vessels. This could be heard by the students downstairs and thought they should leave. When Socrates asked them to stay and finish the discussion, his wife threw warm bucket of water from upstairs rite on top of him. He smiled and then said, "See students, when clouds thunder, rain has to follow"
In order to build a relationship with God, we truly have to acquire the same position as that of Tukaram or Socrates. Only with that humbleness can we come closer to God." **

[b]Arjun[/b]: But God what if my good deeds get credited to someone else?

What did God answer to that? For that, guys you are going to have to wait. 'cuz its lunchtime now. Time for girls to show off their dresses to other girls and make sure its better :P and guys, ah.. well what do those pigs do besides eating? they will eat whether it is lunchtime or not. Grr... and here are us vrat ni chhokariyo sitting bhuki from the past three days. So yup, time to grab some food and we will be back after the short break..
8)
 
Bhagvad Geeta is for OLD people!
07.06.04 (3:59 pm)   [edit]
before i even begin.. for all of those to whom i said that this blog thing sucked.. well, ok so it doesnt really suck. what i meant to say was that it was ridiculous to put stuff about ur personal life on the web for everyone to read. I mean seriously, do we really think that that other person's life is so much more interesting than ours. Ok, so now the question? If these are my thoughts about stupid blogs then why am I writing one. Simple.. cuz its not about my personal life. What i am gonna put here is for the benefit of all the world: my experience at Geeta Trey that took place this past weekend.

Me, Yag and Khelanbhai always kept quoting Krishna Bhagwaan's line from Mahabharat [i]"Aatma thi, hai aur hogi.."[/i] English translation "the soul never dies." and we always kept joking about it. But only now, do i realize the depth of the actual meaning that that one line holds. Its not just a mere line but probably the basic foundation that the entire Geeta is based on, the ultimate essence of Life.

And now every time that i use it, i will be thinking twice if i really do want to use it in the correct sense. Yes, Geeta is very essential in our daily lives, but it would be the same as driving a car without knowing where the brakes and the accelerator are, if we use the lines without actually understanding them. Us, the children of the land that Geeta was told in, dont understand its importance as much as many of those in foreign do. Did you know that Geeta has been translated in more than 80 different languages besides Sanskrit, the language it was originally told in by Lord Krishna. Talking about languages: why did Krishna Bhagwaan choose to tell it in Sanskrit only. It's simple. Cuz that was the language that was understood in those times. Had everyone spoken english, he would have said it in english.

Now arises another question: Why Bhagvad Geeta? You know initially i was very skeptical about attending this whole Geeta Trey no program. Oh btw, for everyone who doesnt know let me explain first what Geeta Trey means. Geeta = Bhagvad Geeta, our holy book that Lord Krishna told Arjun and Trey= three. This program took place over three days: Sat, 3rd.. Sun, 4th.. Mon, 5th and overall there are 18 chapters so it was split as 3 Chps in each session. which means there were two sessions every day. And believe it or not, 1500 Swadhyay youth (ages 15-25) came over to Chicago giving up their long weekend to listen to the [i]sandesh[/i] or message of the holy book. For those who are wondering what exactly Swadhyay is, it is the path to self-development: Swa = self, Adhyay = lesson. Learning about ur self.. or self-development. But lets not get side tracked here and get to the point for which I am filling up this blog.

Why Geeta? Why not just Ramayana or Mahabharat or the Vedas, Upnishads and all the million books that we have. Rite after Didi explained this, my skepticism about coming to the prog was half gone. I was a bit more convinced and interested to know to that what does Geeta have to offer that i dint get from watching Ramayan and Mahabharat ni cassetto. Her Answer: Some have [i]Gnan[/i] "knowledge," some have [i]Bhakti[/i] "devotion," and yet others have [i]Karmayog[/i] "the way of living." But Geeta is all in one. Now being the lazy us that we are in this modern world ofcourse we would want to pick something that is all in one rather than read each one individually. And even more distinctively, God had spoken it himself. What could be better than absorbing something like that?

By now i am sure all my friends have this question, "But I dont need Geeta. That was all in the olden days 5000 yrs ago. How will it help me now? Education is more important. I have to become a good doctor/engineer/lawyer." Hehe.. I would say, that is like me 3 days ago. But think or well, i should say please do read whatever i might put in the next 3-4 upcoming blogs and then fill in my message box with ur thoughts. Hopefully, u will be saying the same as I say now, "Even in this modern world of Science and Technology, Geeta [b]IS[/b] very essential" Infact, like Didi said, [i]"Mane toh laage che Bhagwaan ae Geeta Arjun maate nati kidhi.. aapdaj maate chhe"[/i] "It wasnt for Arjun, it is for us that God spoke it"

Is that really so? Well, we'll see..